My entire captivity and isolation towards the world of course had an enormous impact in my life. I would have no one to talk to, the voices i heard until John and his son came back from work and school were through the vent in the corner of the room listening to the voices of John's parent's upstairs. My true friend during this process was John's son, Justin, he would talk to me and make me feel special, when he came home from school he would tell me how his day went and what he was looking forward to. Every year on his birthday i would get creative and make him a birthday card, once i was finally able to leave the house and go shopping i would get him a birthday present which he always loved. I would get him junk food and candy and he would be up all night eating everything i had got him. He kept all the cards i made for him which made the time i spent for him worth all the while. This brought out my creative side and i realized something about myself; i can continue to teach myself a thing or two as substitution for my lack of education.
When i was a little girl, i had a stuffed kitten that i would take everywhere i went with me. As naive as i was back then, i always thought that the reason i survived all the abuse, torture, and neglect from my family is because of my stuffed kitten. This is also the most childhood experience i had. I never went to the park to climb the jungle gym, i never had toys, my kitten was the only one i ever had. Having this with me, i imagined, took all the pain and misery away from my life; i was aware that it was just a stuffed animal, but to me everything i went through my kitten was there too. This also was a symbol if my freedom and hope that i would soon escape from my captivity. When i was a child and my parents and i went to a carnival and an older man motioned me towards his direction. I was four years old, and my parents were not paying any speck of attention to me, so i went. He had a bright yellow banana that caught my attention right away. He knelled down and asked " What is your favorite stuffed animal?" I responded "My kitty." "I have lots of kitties." He pointed to his van across the parking lot. " Would you like to to go play with them?" He extended his hand and i reached for it, just then my dad yelled out my name and i rushed over to him. This is a reminder that i escaped this type of scenario before, why couldn't i again?
I was never interested in music until my release of captivity. Sure i was allowed to play music on the radio that Tom Hose owned, but i didn't have a passion for it as most kids did my age. After my rescue, i felt as though a whole beginning was arising, i started listening to country then romantic love songs and then music that demonstrated my exact feeling in that given moment. I started appreciating music more, but the reason for not being interested in it before was because of my captor and how many boundaries or privileges i had. Not to be mistaken by an anti-social, nothing can help my situation, attitude i felt that music helped my recover from those awful flashbacks i would have every day.Music aided my reformation of being like others and existing in the world, rather than being a milk carton kid.