I always dreamt about having kids. Ever since i was a little child i did not consider my life complete until i had as many kids as i wanted, my maximum is 3. When i was a little girl i did not have the best parents that ever lived, i always promised myself that whenever i had children of my won i would treat them the best and nothing at all like my parents treated me. When i was living with Thomas Hose he made me his sex slave. He kept a calender of how many times we did it and at the end of the year he would take it to work and show off how much he got throughtout the year. I am surprised that i did not get pregant, god worked in my favor to answer my prayers and not let me have a child. The reason why i did not want to get pregant, well one of the major reasons is because he threatend to kill me and the baby inside of me. I did not want to risk it, but what can i do if he ever forgot to wear protection. Now that i have my husband
McKeesport is a very small town, it's typical that in a small town like this one everyone knows one another. Yes that is true for some, and others are completly strangers living pratically door to door to eachother. That was the problem with no one finding me in a man who lived in one of these friendly neighborhoods. I passed by the other day on my way to go have some lunch wiht friends. I cannot explain the absoulte horror that raced passed me. I started sobbing and i cannot find the strength to keep driving nor keep my eyes off of that one house, or window. That window was the very window that i spend my days for many many years just staring out hoping to one day be free like i once was. I swear to myself that i will never again pass by that house or even nighb
I had just come back from a store going Christmas shopping; I was looking in the toy aisle for some of my close friends' kids. I ran into a barbie doll that reminded me of myself when i was a teenager and in captivity. It was hard looking at it and seeing the flashblacks come to me like a racing bullet. Although i try my best to forget, how can i ever forget the fact at the age of 17 i was 85 pounds? That's right, my captor sculpted me to be his perfect little barbie doll. He had one of his really close friends dye my hair bleach blond and be his dream girl that he always imagened. I now look back and realize what horrible man he was and the fact that he treated me with no respect and had no consireation for my well being.
I had recently just got engaged! I am ecstatic about finally finding the one who is right for me and loves me for who i am. My first marriage was with my captor, Thomas Hose. I did not know that it was so wrong to marry a man triple my age. He had told me he loved me like he never loved anyone else, and since i already lived with him it would only make sense to marry him. Well it wasn't a wedding with a church reception or a judge marring us, like i dreamed of, it was just us two just saying yes we are married. My new husband i met a couple years after i was rescued is my rock; he loves me and sees me as a woman who has re cooperated from a travesty not as a living miracle. He makes me feel safe and that is the best, to have someone you know and love taking care of you whenever and wherever you need them.
As much as i wanted to go to prom, homecoming, football games, dances, i did not because the time i was in school i spend it with Tom Hose. It makes me sad to see everyone remember that one special night their senior year that they will carry with them for the rest of thei lives. I thank my lucky stars to have a husband that cares for me and would do anything to please me. The weekend that recently passed he took to me to a surprise dinner and to my surprise, he asked me to dance and some slow music turned on and it was magical. He thought that this would be a great way to cover that empty space that i had for such a long time. Many can say that this is cliche, but to me it means everything. I love him forever and always.